


Ren-e-gade

by rian_starlight



Category: All Time Low (Band)
Genre: Fluffy, M/M, idkwherethisisgoing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-06-26 14:32:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 5,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19770205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rian_starlight/pseuds/rian_starlight
Summary: Renegade: someone or something that causes trouble and cannot be controlled





	1. Chapter 1

The Fine Art of Bullshit

Zack's pov 

I'll keep things simple to begin with. I, Zachary Steven Merrick, have fallen head over heels for the lead singer of my band, Alex Gaskarth. Now, that wouldn't be a big deal if he was into guys, problem is, despite everything he does he's as straight as a ruler as far as anyone knows. Which leaves me in a rough place between wanting to hold him close and call him mine, and shut him away from me so I don't fall even more than I already have.

  
Today is one of those days, you know when you wake up and you can tell is just gonna rub you the wrong way, well it's one of those days, I mean waking up hungover doesn't hellp with that, we had a free night last night so us being us wound up in a nearby bar, and as has become an almost regular thing,, ((when I can actually be bothered to do so)) I got completely hammered, leaving me in the situation that I'm in right now. So now I'm lying here at almost mid-day contemplating whether or not throwing my phone at Alex, who would not stop singing, was a good idea or not. I decided against it, purely because he knows my password and when I'm as drunk as I was, I tend to ramble to whoever answers my texts, last night was Rian, who despite being by my side the whole night still went with the texts. He and Jack knew, I've never been the most subtle I guess-

  
"morning sunshine" Alex grinned, causing a groan to escape past my lips after I jumped a little "come onnnn, I made some toast and if you have that then maybe I'll consider giving you some pain medicine" he kept up that annoying tone in his voice, the one that even though it made me wanna plan a murder I had still come to love, god I'm a mess.

  
"Alex shut up" I mumbled, managing to keep the adoring tone out of my voice that threatened to slip through. You see, over the years I've come to master the art of bullshitting my way through life. Hiding behind my mumbled lack of words and keeping to myself at any given moment purely so I didn't get caught out by Alex and make things more awkward than need be.

  
"rude" he huffed, getting up, oh yeah did I mention he sat down on the edge of Rian's bunk just to annoy me, and was about to walk off when he turned back to me with that annoying as all hell smirk "oh yeah, you might wanna sort yourself out there Zacky, clearly you had a good dream last night" he teased, biting his lip before walking off. I swear to god he's gonna be the death of me. I sighed and swung my legs out over the side of my bunk before going to shower and uh, sort myself out.

  
You wanna know what really makes jacking off unenjoyable, being stuck in a tourbus while doing so, because you've gotta quiet unless you wanna be caught, then you have to deal with the others teasing, it's just annoying, but it did relieve some of annoyance that I previously had, although if my lip isn't bleeding from how hard I was biting on it then it's a miracle. I was up the front now, eating toast while Alex nattered away mindlessly to whoever was listening, I'll give him this, I was half listening and nodding along whenever deemed necessary but otherwise I was in my head, thinking about how cute Alex is and all that, trying not to but at the same time, it beats trying to keep up a decent conversation with him without slipping up-

  
"Zack?? Are you even listening??" He asked, snapping me from my thoughts, "yeah, no not really, sorry" I said, blushing a little from embarrassment. He playfully groaned before repeating whatever he asked, I gave some answer and went back to my world where we're together, it's a nice world.

  
We're on stage now, Alex is singing his heart out, rians killing it on the drums like normal, jack's well, doing what jack does, well, more than that actually, he's being all cuddled up to me tonight, he's come up with the plan of 'Make Alex Jealous Until he Does Something' which consists of him and Rian being all cuddled up to me until Alex does something, if he does anything at all. For jack's sake I agreed, because at the end of the day, affection is affection, and that's one thing I'm lacking in.

  
The show's over, and honestly it's one of the best we've ever played, although Alex kept glancing over but looking away as soon as he noticed that I noticed and surely that's gotta mean something- I'm getting my hopes up, he was probably wondering what shit jack was up to. Either way it's the end of a day, just a couple more months of torture then I don't have to face Alex every waking moment for at least a week.


	2. I Guess I Fear Rejection

It’s about a week later, Rian and Jack have been keeping up their plan going (which is surprising considering Jack can’t really concentrate on anything) and there’s definitely been a shift in Alex’s mood, he’s been moody and honestly kinda downcast, which has been bumming me out, I don’t like seeing Alex as upset as he is, I just wanna make sure he’s okay and see what’s up but I don’t wanna come across as weird, I guess I fear rejection. 

I was playing bass when it happened, Alex walked in, his now normal downcast mood ever present, and sat down next to me, cuddling up into my side, not saying a word. I was confused at first since we’re never normally this close, he sought comfort in Jack primarily, that was just how they worked. “Alex??-” i was cut off by him shaking his head “don’t, just, just hold me” he mumbled, I nodded of course, putting my bass down carefully before wrapping my arms around him, holding him close, giving him the silence he asked for. He looked up after god knows how long, breaking the sad yet calming silence “Zack, if I had done something wrong you’d tell me yeah??” he mumbled, his face buried in my shoulder “of course” I said, sitting somewhere between truth and lie. “I just, I feel like I’ve upset you, you’ve been really distant towards me and I feel like you hate me” he mumbled, his voice quieter than it was before. I could feel my heart drop, I could never hate him, I’m so hopelessly in love with him that I’d follow him to the end of the world and back to keep him happy “Alex, I don’t hate you, I don’t have it in me to hate you in capacity, I-” I cut my sentence. That was too close. 

He sighed and shifted, curling up on my lap and yawning “okay, I don’t wanna move, I’m gonna take a nap though” he mumbled and before I could get a word in he was asleep, and honestly, I can’t think of anywhere I’d rather be at the moment. Rian walked in, saying something before I quickly shushed him and nodding down at Alex, trying to signal to him to be quiet, we all know Alex doesn’t sleep enough, plus, I don’t want this moment to end. He smirked a tiny bit when he saw how we were “have you told him yet??” he asked, sitting in the seat next to us. “No, I was too chicken, he came in asking if I hated him, stating that I had been really distant, which isn’t wrong I guess, I just, I don’t wanna lose the friendship that we have if things don’t go well. We’d lose the band Rian, I’m not willing to lose the band over some stupid feelings.” I said quietly, we both knew they were more than ‘stupid feelings’ but I figured in this situation it’s be better to downplay things. Rian sighed softly “Zack, I get why you haven’t said anything, but fuck man it’s just getting sad.” He said before getting up and patting my head “but either way good luck man, I’ll talk to ya later” he said before walking off, probably going to make sure Jack didn’t destroy the bus. 

Stage time again. The show is way more energetic than normal, Rian must of told Jack to lay off of the plan for tonight since Jack’s back to how he normally is, which is just running everywhere, you win some you lose some I guess. Alex has been closer to me tonight, I can’t complain, its nice to have Alex coming over pretty much every song and leaning against me, even if for just a second or two. We’re now about midway through the setlist and Alex and Jack are back to being the idiots we all know them to be when Alex moved over to me, like fully moved, taking his mic stand with him and everything “hey Zack??” he asked, his usual grin on his face “yeah Alex??” I responded into my own mic, people losing their shit since uh, I’m not really known for talking on stage. “You know I love you right??” he stated with a mischievous tone in his voice, I knew what he said was just platonic but it didn’t stop the soft blush that settled on my cheeks or the fluttering in my heart and stomach. I just nodded in response, acting worried “welllllllll…” he trailed off before jumping onto my back, and clinging onto me piggyback style “thanks Zack” he said, I could hear the grin in his voice and I lost any will to make a comment about just having to ask, damn I’m a mess, I shouldn’t be this affected by this but here I am, blushing over my bandmate stealing a piggyback. Oh god I love him. 


	3. I Wish This Was Everyday

Since that fateful day in the back of the bus Alex has been virtually glued to my side, we’ve all joked about with it, Jack going as far as to say that we might as well go the whole way and glue ourselves together. But I really can’t complain, I love having Alex this close, the only downside is that Rian keeps cornering me at random points asking me if I’ve asked Alex yet, and he always gets the same answer ‘I will eventually.’ And apparently, that eventually, is today. 

I’m driving, Alex is sat next to me. I’m only driving out of boredom and our diver isn’t feeling well. Alex keeps looking at me and looking away with what is definitely a blush and a smile. I didn’t comment on it, not wanting to startle him or anything, so in the end he broke the silence “I heard you and Rian’s conversation that day on the back of the bus” he said quietly and cautiously, seemingly worried about upsetting me, which it didn’t, but a much darker blush than I’d like to admit settled on my face, I nodded slightly to let him know I was listening, unsure of how to actually respond “and uh, I figured out what, or well, who it was about and uh.” he said, stumbling over his words a bit, I somehow blushed deeper, biting down harshly on my lip, a sinking feeling in my heart, he’s gonna tell me he doesn’t want me in the band anymore and that I’m a weirdo for having a crush on him- “if you wanted, we could, uh, we could maybe go on a date next time we have a day off.” he said quietly, I could see him glance at me out of the corner of my eye “of course” I said, feeling a lot of my worry melt away. I saw him grin widely and blush, this should be fun. 

I’m back with the others now, after driving for 10 hours straight Alex got concerned and got me to stop, dragging me back to them. Right now Alex is away getting some food and Rian took his chance “have you asked him yet??” he asked, exasperation in his tone. “I didn’t but, he asked me on a date earlier today” I got out, blushing again. “FINALLY” Rian half yelled, catching me in a hug “I’m happy for ya man” he said before pulling away, nudging me when Alex walked back in, a smile came onto my lips just from seeing him, jeez I really need to pull myself together what’s he doing to me. Alex put the snacks down on the table and took his seat next to me, curling into my side, Rian awwed, causing both of us to blush and alex to jab him with his foot, I wish this was what life was like everyday. 


	4. For Fucks Sake Jack

So it’s a free day, aka the day of me and Alex’s date, and f u c k I’m nervous as hell, what if he’s only doing this out of pity, what if one of the others is paying him to do this oh god- “Zack, we’re heading out in about 20 minutes, wear something comfortable” came Alex’s voice ringing through the bunk area, a happy tone in his voice, causing a smile to float onto my lips “okay” I called back and actually got up, fishing through my clothes, finding something mid-way between comfortable and presentable, walking towards the bathroom before being ran into by a blur causing the both of us to fall “hey Alex” I laughed, noticing a blush setting on his cheeks, and then I noticed our position, as did Jack who was walking past “alright guys, save that for after the date” he joked, causing both of us to blush and Alex to scramble off the top of me and help me up, damn he’s adorable. 

Eventually me and Alex were on our way to wherever we’re going, it appears to be the beach, I’m not wholly sure what state we’re in, but wherever we are it’s cold enough to need a hoodie to keep warm, then again it is still pretty early and the sun is only really coming up, and it really is beautiful, damn I was I had my camera, I was so caught up in the sunset that I didn’t notice Alex’s gaze on me “the view is so damn gorgeous” I mumbled happily, glancing at Alex and blushing when I caught his gaze and he mumbled “it really is, I’m so happy I get to see it everyday” back to me, how did I get so lucky. 

We found our way to a cafe, keeping the horrendously cheesy cliches going but honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way, it’s been a constant flow of conversation, mostly small compliments being thrown back and forth but hey, there hasn’t been an awkward silence or a gap that didn’t seem natural, all in all, it’s been perfect, just like him. 

We’re walking back, it’s now the middle of the day, the sun is up but it’s still kind of chilly so I’m thankful for the hoodie I’m wearing, and, guess what, me and Alex are holding hands, ahhhhhhimgay. “Hey Zack??” Alex spoke up, breaking the comfortable silence, “hmm?” I responded, glancing down at him “I really enjoyed this, thank you for actually agreeing to this” he mumbled, glancing back down at me as we slowed to a stop just about 50 metres away from the bus, he turned to face me and I turned to face him in return “I wouldn’t forgive myself if I said no” I mumbled, my voice shyer than normal, god damnit Zack you literally could snap someone in half, why are you so shy “oh yeah” he smiled, and I swear that he glanced down at my lips, probably because I definitely glanced at his “yeah” I smiled back, okay he’s definitely glancing at my lips now, and we’re both bushing, holy fuck are we about to- “HEY GUYS HOW’D IT GO” for fucks sake jack


	5. Why Didn’t You Tell Me You Were Tired??

Tours coming to an end, we’re all tired yeah, but it’s truly taken it’s toll on Alex this tour, he comes onto the bus exhausted and just heads straight to bed, I wanna look after him and make sure he’s alright but I don’t wanna stop him from getting the sleep he needs. That was my mindset until a couple nights ago. 

We had just come off the stage and normally we’re all still on our after-show kick then, bouncing off each others energy seamlessly, but something wasn’t right, Alex was quiet and spacey, sometimes just stopping talking halfway through a sentence and staring off, his eyes glazing over, not in an upset way, but in a way to stop them from drying over from a lack of blinking, I kept my eye on him but didn’t try to pry for anything since y’know, he’s our lyricist, a master of evasive language and double-crossing words, trying to figure out what he’s saying when he’s spacey is damned near impossible. 

I didn’t pay much attention until we were all sat down and were just talking when Alex looked like he was about to fall asleep right then and there, something that’s never happened before. He yawned and started to say something before literally falling asleep mid-sentence, not just stopping and staring, no he actually fell asleep, falling into my side. I panicked, of course I did, this wasn’t normal. So I did the first thing that came to mind, I picked him up and started carrying him towards the bus, and it would’ve been marginally less eventful than it was had it not been right after a show when there’s still hundreds of kids kicking about hoping to talk to us. Now, don’t get me wrong, without these people coming out to see us our band would be nothing, but that really wasn’t the best time to have hundreds of people screaming, so I once again did the only thing that seemed logical, bolt it. I ran towards the bus, it’s not like I could really use my hands to communicate that I couldn’t really talk in that moment and I was too worried to use my voice without sounding panicked as all hell, I really hope I didn’t come off as rude. 

Eventually after struggling I managed to get us into the bus safely and sighed, looking down at Alex’s sleeping figure and sighed “why couldn’t you tell anyone you were tired Alex” I muttered and walked us through to the bunks, placing him down in mine and tucking him in “goodnight Alex” I mumbled softly and pressed a very gentle and quick kiss to his forehead, blushing dark afterwards “I-” I stopped myself and walked off, missing the small smile and blush that fell onto Alex’s face. 


	6. I Don’t Want Tour To End

Since that night me and Alex have been closer than ever, most nights one of us ends up in the others bunks cuddling up to each other. I don’t want this tour to end because we’ll be separated for god knows how long, I have to fly home to Hawaii and Alex has to return to Baltimore, and I mean yeah I could easily fly back over to visit him since I don’t have as many responsibilities as Alex does, mostly his dogs, but still, what if this has all been him trying to get over being away from home and as soon as the tour ends he tells me that this meant nothing to him and that we should just forget this whole thing happened.

It’s the last day and the normal, kinda low mood has set in, nobody ever wants to say goodbye, nobody really lives near each other, I’m in Hawaii, Jack’s in LA, Rian’s in Nashville and Alex is, as stated earlier is in Baltimore. Everyone’s packed up now, yes including Jack, surprising I know, mostly because our last stop is in LA so Jacks leaving first before the rest of us end up at the airport. We’re all doing what we normally do on our last day, Jack’s looking through all the photos we got together. Rian’s tapping away on whatever counter top we can find. Alex is humming and making sure everything has been cleaned and I’m lost in my mind. 

We’ve just said bye to Jack, and I swear I saw Rian kiss his cheek while those two were hugging but I’ll keep quiet about it (for now.) It’s just me, Alex and Rian now, my flight goes out last so I’m stuck here alone for a while once the other two go. Alex has been glued to my side our entire time here, not that I’m complaining, even though I'm practically carrying him on my hip like a mother would carry a small child but it’s sweet and I don’t mind, even if Rian is teasing us for it. 

Rian’s just boarded his plane now. It’s just us two now, and we’re still just as close, if not closer now that Rian isn’t here to tease us for it, Alex is curled up on my lap and my arms are around him, we’ve been mumbling sweet nothings to each other, well, that was until suddenly Alex looked at me “Zack, you know I love you right” he said, a lot more seriously than last time I heard those words on stage, there was a look of sincerity in his eyes, also slight fear, I nodded but he sighed and shook his head “Zack I’m serious, I love you, like  _ love _ you love you” he said, looking more scared now, he looked down, trying to pull away from me when I gently placed a hand on his chin, tilting his head up so we were looking each other in the eye “I love you too Alex,  _ love  _ you love you too. _ ”  _


	7. Life Was Perfect In That Moment

It’s been a month since me and Alex last saw each other, we ended up getting later flights instead of our planned flights for that day, purely to have more time together, we ended up getting matching flower tattoos, the tattoo was his idea, the flowers were mine, we now have matching lily tattoos on our hips, purely down to not really knowing where else to put them, not that I’m complaining that something to do with me is as close as it is to Alex’s- was that a knock on my door, who the hell is knocking it’s like 11pm “COMING” I called through the house before swinging myself up and off the sofa and making my way towards the door. 

I got there and let me tell you, I certainly wasn’t expecting to see Alex there holding a bouquet of flowers and a hopeful smile on my face, but I certainly wasn’t complaining, in fact my first reaction was a squeal, how manly of me. I of course invited him inside, grinning and blushing when I got a kiss on my cheek from him, and fuck I’m in love, I’ve loved him for years, but I’m truly IN LOVE with him now, and I don’t regret it in the slightest. 

We fell asleep cuddled up to each other that night, and I think that truly was the beginning of everything, sure we’d cuddled and stuff before then but there was something more to that, he flew all the way out just to see me, even though we could have easily just called and face timed and texted. The next day we went on another date, just as simple and romantic as the last time, a date spent spoiler the other with compliments and showering them with sweet nothings, not that either of us would have it any other way. 

We found our way back to my place in the evening, small soft kisses being exchanged between us pretty much every two minutes or so, everything was soft, gentle and loving, just like both of us wanted, but there was always passion behind each kiss, a strong sense of love and adoration, at least on my end. And eventually we wound up cuddled together watching some random film, and life was perfect in that moment. 


	8. It’s Stereotypical, Just Like Us

It’s a week after that and me and Alex are out and about again, except now in Baltimore, I went back home with Alex, there’s a carnival in town, and somehow they’ve managed to get rollercoasters, so me and Alex are headed there later, right now we’re out at lunch, holding hands over the table. 

It’s the evening now and the carnival looks amazing, it’s all lit up and there’s typical music playing, it’s stereotypical, just like whatever me and Alex have going on. We got our tickets and headed in. We went and did all the normal stuff, played all the little games, determined to win things for the other, however, before any of that we headed towards the rollercoaster, yeah there was a line for it but that proved that it was good, we got on and it set off, however what I didn’t anticipate was how fast it would go and how sharp the turns would be, needless to say, I screamed a fair amount and ended up as cuddled up to Alex as I could get, which isn’t much but we were holding hands, well, more like I was gripping onto his hand so hard it could probably break. We got off and I cuddled as close to Alex as I could get, blushing as he playfully teased me for my reactions. 

The end of the night was approaching, both of us were carrying some sort of soft toy, Alex had a stuffed unicorn and I ended up with a wolf. We were on the ferris wheel, gazing out to the two we grew met in, the town the band started in, the town where everything came together for us. “Hey Zack??” Alex’s voice broke the comfortable and soothing silence “Yeah Alex??” I replied, glancing at him and blushing a little when I noticed his gaze stuck on me “will you be my boyfriend??” he asked quietly and softly, fear hidden in his voice, a grin broke out on my face, along with a stronger blush. 

“Of course I will Alex.” 


	9. I’ll Never Forget That Day

It’s a few years later now, me and Alex are still going as strong as ever, if not even stronger now, yeah we’ve had our fair share of arguments but they’ve never been something that couldn’t be solved with a bit of time to cool off, and if anything the arguments brought us closer together and made our relationship stronger, it’s healthy for these things to happen. 

We’re on tour again, our biggest tour to date, it’s our last show before a weeks break, and Alex is being spacey, he’s quiet and I’ve caught him staring into space a lot, I hope he’s alright, I hope I haven’t somehow upset him. 

We’re now on stage and the energy is phenomenal, I’m so lucky this is what I get to call my job, and I’m lucky I get to experience this was my best friends and boyfriend- “Hey Zack” Alex’s voice rang through the speakers as we hit a pause between songs for the crowd to catch their breath “Yeah Alex??” I responded, my voice quiet and timid, don’t get me wrong I love it up here, but the talking is Alex and Jack’s department, not mine. “You know I love you right??” he smiled at me, walking over, carrying his mic “Yeah??” I responded, a fake worried tone in my voice “I’m glad, but, I wanna make sure you never forget that I love you to the outermost reaches of space and back” he said, giving me no time to respond as he dropped to one knee, pulling a small, black box from his pocket, opening it, revealing a simple yet gorgeous silver band with an intricate celtic pattern carved in it, “Zachary Steven Merrick, will you marry me??” he asked, looking up with love in his eyes but also fear, not that that fear was needed because as soon as he got those words out I was nodding and saying yes, starting to cry as we pulled each other into the tightest hug we’ve ever shared, pressing soft yet passionate kisses to each others lips before Alex slipped the ring onto my finger as everyone cheered around us. I’ll never forget that day. 


	10. I Took His Surname And Made It Mine

We didn’t wait long until we decided to actually get married, we knew each other probably better than we knew ourselves. We got married not too long after the next new year, it was a small, simple and sweet wedding, Rian was my best man, Jack was Alex’s. I returned to Baltimore to live with Alex, though I still had property out in Hawaii for whenever I needed to head out there to work on the cleaning work that I do. The wedding had it’s fair share of laughter and crying, but honestly, it’s been my favourite day of my life and I wouldn’t exchange it for anything. 

We said our vows, me first then Alex, I took Alex’s surname, rings were put on and before I truly knew what was happening, mine and Alex’s lips were pressed together in the most loving and pure kiss we’ve ever had. 

Soon we were on our way to the afterparty, we both had our first dances with our mothers before returning to each other, swaying softly to the music, my head on Alex’s shoulder as we twirled our way around the dancefloor, the rest of the world melting away, so long as we had each other, nothing else in that moment mattered. 

Eventually though we were pulled away from there for food and drink, Rian attempted to raise a toast for us, key word attempted, he was cut off about three words in by Jack, of course, not that anyone really cared. Soon food was dished out, cake was brought out and cut, all in all, the night was amazing. Eventually people started dispersing, heading back home to families, or just back home since it was around 2am by then, eventually me and Alex found our way home, one thing lead to another and I’m sure you can guess where they lead to. 


	11. Forever And Always

So here we are now, me and Alex, cuddled up together, Alex is asleep on my lap, he’s sick currently, my poor sweetheart, we’ve been married for nearing 25 years now, somehow the bands still going, I mean yeah we’ve slowed down a fair bit because none of us have the same amount of energy as we used to. 

Alex shifted in my lap, signalling his awakeness “hey sweetheart” I mumbled, getting a groan in return, he turned a little and sat up, pressing a soft kiss to my cheek “hey love” he croaked, trying to blink the sleep out of his eyes “don’t talk too much, I don’t want you ruining your voice” I mumbled softly and ran my hands through his hair, combing it out before kissing his forehead “wanna go to bed??” I asked quietly, getting a small nod in reply. 

I don’t think I could be any happier with life if I tried, I have an amazing husband, an amazing job with my best friends, I live a fairly peaceful life with my loved one, even if things get chaotic and difficult at times it’s just who we are, neither of us can really stay mad at the other. 

As i laid Alex down on the bed I glanced over his face, a loving smile falling onto my lips, how on earth did I get as lucky as I did?? Soon enough we were cuddled up again, watching some random film that neither of as really cared about, I don’t care if I’m gonna get sick from looking after Alex, I really don’t care at all. I love him, and I’ll love him until the end of time and then probably forever more after that. He’s my one and only, forever and always. 


End file.
